Suffering With Jesus and Jung
How surrendering to your pain will set you free.
My favorite first lines of any book are the three words that open The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck: “Life is difficult.” He wasn’t the first to make that observation. Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, put it: “Life is suffering.” Jesus said, “In this world you will suffer troubles” (John 16:33). Pain and suffering are built into the matrix of human existence.
The inevitability of pain and suffering leaves a lot of people questioning the reality of God, or at least the idea of a good and loving God. We wonder, “If God is good, then why does suffering happen?” It is not a bad question, albeit a misguided one. The question assumes that pain and suffering are “bad” or “evil.” And, while evil can cause suffering, so can goodness. For instance, it is a good thing to go to the gym and work out, but if you aren’t hurting then you probably aren’t doing it right. A better example of this reality is one of humanity’s highest values and experiences: love. Love can give us the greatest of emotional highs and lead us into the darkest emotional valleys; especially when love leads to betrayal or heartbreak.
In the first half of my life as a Christian, I came to believe that suffering was bad and needed an explanation that might lead to a resolution. I believed suffering came from the devil to thwart us, from God to test us, or in the worst cases from God to punish or chastise us. The goal in suffering was to find out the reason and end the pain. As I matured in my faith, I changed my views on suffering. I no longer feel that I should find and label the reason for my suffering—although I do still believe suffering might come from God or evil spirits, I do not try to make meaning out of my suffering by identifying a reason for it. Nor do I feel like suffering is bad and should be avoided or escaped. Instead, I shifted my attention to the example of Christ. Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NKJV). This saying by Jesus is challenging because one could argue that Jesus did not have an easy way or a light burden. Bearing the cross on the Via Dolorosa after being betrayed by his friends and countrymen doesn’t seem easy or light. Dying on a cross doesn’t seem easy or light.
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30
Nevertheless, Jesus said to learn from him. He teaches us by example. The climax of his teaching is reached in his suffering. His suffering is not light or easy, but the way that he suffered is an example for us to follow. Before his crucifixion, Jesus prays in a garden one of the most human prayers you will find in the Bible. He prayed, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39). Jesus had previously said, “No one takes it from Me, but I lay it down of Myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again” (John 10:18). Jesus volunteered for his suffering and surrendered to God’s will.
In Peck’s book The Road Less Traveled, Peck argues that most neuroses are caused by an unwillingness to confront our problems for fear of suffering. When we try to go around our problems and avoid the pain instead of going through our problem and accepting the pain we suffer even more. While avoidance appears to be the path of least resistance, it is not actually the easy or light way. Carl Jung said, “The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.” Jung theorized that when we choose to avoid suffering rather than embrace it, we will develop and misuse psychosocial defense mechanisms such as denial, projection, and reaction formation.
“The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.”
Carl Jung
A couple of years ago, I was going through one of the toughest times of my life emotionally and spiritually. There were issues in my life of my own making that were causing me great pain. When things reached a head and I could no longer avoid facing the inevitable pain and suffering that was necessary, I found myself stressed to the max not knowing what my next steps should even be. I was still trying to numb and avoid the pain. I went on a camping trip with my best friend who always has the best insights even though he is quite blunt. One piece of wisdom he gave me was, “Whichever path seems like the hardest, choose that one because it is probably the right one.” There are always multiple paths of least resistance. But the hard path, the narrow path, is the one that leads to life.
“For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”
Jesus, Matthew 7:13-14
Some practical ways I have found to find the narrow path of surrender are to ask the right questions when suffering and to embrace the ways your life is not just your own but is lived for others. At one time my primary question about suffering was, “Why me?” Now my primary question is, “What is this teaching me?” This is a shift from helplessness (i.e. the world is happening to me and I don’t understand why) to hopefulness (i.e. there might be something here for me to learn and from which I can grow).
Another helpful perspective change is to understand that your suffering, Like Jesus’, might be for the benefit of others. One of my favorite verses about King David is 1 Samuel 18:16: “But all Israel and Judah loved David because he went out and came in before them.” David was loved not because he never had any battles, not because he found a life of ease, not because he had exemplified a painless life—but because he did go to battle and he came back from it. Others are watching us go through our trials. They are taking notes on how we suffer. They see how you entered the cave of death and despair and came out a new creature.
Over the past few years, I have watched a couple of my friends go through painful divorces. One of them chose the path of surrender and volunteered for more suffering. He stayed celibate. He stayed sober. He started working out. He was disciplined. The other friend spiraled into alcoholism, promiscuity, and gluttony. When I found myself facing the darkest times in my life I think you know which friend I called on for prayer and support. Why? His testimony. The way he suffered saved not only himself but me as well.
Suffering is a mystery. And there is some suffering that I have a hard time scaling these beliefs to address. However, I do believe no matter the level of suffering, all humans are capable of growth and that all of us can identify with Jesus the suffering servant. Not only is he our example, but he is present with us in our suffering.
“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Jesus, Matthew 28:20